After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
