Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
