i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
