I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
