Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
