I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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