Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
