normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You took a bar mat shot.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
