he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
