You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
