i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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