right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
