If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
