During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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