i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
