and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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