can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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