you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
