I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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