I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
