Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
