It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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