YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
