Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
