i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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