So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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