he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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