Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
