It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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