It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
