how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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