I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
wow bdsm is so cute
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
