At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
