imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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