What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
