do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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