It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
smell my finger.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
