If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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