my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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