we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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