onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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