Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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