i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
