I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
