No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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