Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
