i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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