Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
