you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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