too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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