took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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