totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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