I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
