There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
