He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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