Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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