Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
