This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
