Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
