So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
