Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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