I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
