I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize