How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
