ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
