Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
