I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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