I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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