I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
