Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Michael Bay diarrhea
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
