It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
