Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
