she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
