We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
