saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
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you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
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before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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