So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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