On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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