he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The struggles of a small town man whore
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
