before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i think i have two assholes
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
