So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
