im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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